Went to watch Baybeats last night after work with Abby and his friends. Wanted to catch Peepshow, not because they're a good band but i just wanted to laugh at them, and Vertical Rush to show my support for Nicky Chim Chim! When i met Nick, it was like nostalgia coming back to me all over again.. Flashbacks of school, jammings, smoking before and after classes, tau hui, and the rides home together.. They all just flooded my mind for a minute. School was fun - not the classes, but the people.. Nick was an inspiration coz he's so bloody hardworking and he was always prepared.. I miss school!!

Anyways, while waiting for the bands to start playing their music, Abby, his friends and i hanged about at Harry's. Well I'm glad Abby doesn't drink. I guess it was nice meeting his friends. I mean, i'm open to meeting new people and stuff.. It's technically the first time i've actually really hung out with them. Of course, i wasn't really prepared coz Abby didn't mention anything to me and i thought it was just gonna be the two of us initially.. I'm still adapting and getting used to being around them. I'm not the kind of person who's all hyper and chitty chatty to new people. I mean if i were to be like that, i think i'd be so friggin two faced.. I'm not saying i don't like hanging with them. It was fun, but i guess i needa hang with them a bit more to feel more comfortable around them.

I wanna feel loved all the time. You tell me that to be a good girlfriend, is to make you happy.. I'm really trying to do just that.. I don't bug you much and i give you lotsa lotsa space. I don't complain about who you meet, and i don't even expect you to tell me what you're doing, what you're gonna do, who you're meeting and who you're gonna meet. I understand that it's how you are and it's what you need. You need space coz your mind's all stressed up with schoolwork and etcetera and etcetera. But what about making me happy? Thank you for finding the time to spend with me. I appreciate that, since i don't really have much to do in my life. Thank you for giving me the little kisses and the little hugs, the little phone calls and the little smses and it really brightens up my day a whole lot..

All i want is to feel loved by you.. Just that.. Only that..

I'm sick. But i'm bored as hell here at home, so i'm gonna meet up with a friend i havent met for a long time, who so happens to be in bukit batok.. Ciaos.
I cannot believe it.

Screamm actually made it into the semi finals last night!! I havent watched myself on the result show yet, but no doubt was i shocked! Im not saying this coz ive got no confidence in my band. It's just that all the groups we were up against were very strong - One of the strongest groups in the competition in fact. Wow.. It's time to work extra hard then!!

I wish i had a digital camera so i can take lotsa pictures and post it in both this blog, and on Screamm's blog. Dun even say it. I do not have a camera phone, although it's a PDA and it's touch screen-ed and i love the phone.

Went to work today with my eyes half open. Wasnt too bad for tuesday since it was kinda busy. My colleagues were going on and on about this ghost in the backroom of our store. Apparently, some cd got stuck in Spinelli's CD player and the whole thing died, and even though it's dead, we can still occasionally hear music playing from that same CD player. Then a manager who just joined us recently actually saw this black shadow behind my store in charge and it seemed to be staring at him. (I hope the ghost isnt gay. lawls) She says it only follows guys, somehow. Then her husband saw this black figure walk from the outside through the glass wall, into the backroom! Omg this is so creepy. Thank God i never experienced such things ever since i stepped into the store more than a year ago. Phew!!

Gotta start thinking of things to do. Gonna get to the library and so some serious reading. But sometimes im so lazy coz im really very picky with the books i read. It takes me friggin long to pick a book for myself. I usually read Wendy Holden and Ben Elton's books but i kinda finished reading most of their books. Grr im such a boring person.

Things i can do:
1. Read books.
2. Have coffee with Trav - Just that he's still too busy trying to put his finger into an 18 yr old's pussy.
3. Practice my strokes (not the kinda strokes youre thinking abt abby baby.)
4. Hang out with Chew yan..

I have no idea, honestly.
Im so bored so bored so bored..

Texted Trav but that fucker didnt reply.. What kinda fucking friend is he? Cant even respond to a fucking sms? Plus its not even 7am in the morning for God's sake?? Fuck off lar Trav. You suck. Pls get your bloody clothes outta my house. It's been lying there for freaking 2 wks already! Fucktard.

Im kinda deciding what to do for the rest of the day today. I really feel like dressing up, heading to town and meet some friends for coffee but the only available friends i have are too caught up with their own private lives. Well i know i should get some practice done coz id be doing lotsa snare rolls tml. Oh well, all the best Screamm. :)

Maybe ill watch a little teevee. Disney channel and nickelodeon cartoons never fail to amuse me all the time. I love laughing at those fucktarded cartoons doing random lame stuffs. Haha. But first, i gotta get something to munch on. No more twinkles and instant noodles for you eva. Please eat proper.

Yummy.. Thank you baby for sup tulang last night! :)
Yesterday's results for Superband was really surprising i must say. Honestly speaking, the band who deserved to be elliminated was us Screamm and not 伍个人. I mean, theyre young and aspiring musicians and not to mention, one of the judge's favourite. It's so clear that they deserve to be in the competition longer than us since im sure they'd have better chances. But anyhows, i guess things happen and since we're still in the competition, then i guess Screamm will have to work extra hard for the next quarter finals - which is next week! Fucking stressed out i tell you.. Grr.. Shouldnt be updating this blog too often.. In fact, i should revert my attention back to Screamm's blog. It hasnt been updated since last month! Waha. Maybe i'll just copy and paste this whole thing therez no one will notice unless they know this blog add.. :P

Well, it was kinda fun yesterday though.. I mean, we felt the pang of pressure right there.. We were one step closer to being eliminated and yet, we were happy backstage nevertheless.. I was somehow so much more hyperactive than how i used to be, and i felt so much closer to the band.. We kinda had ideas on changing Screamm into a hardcore band and we started goring like mad but, of course that aint gonna happen! (Even though i really dont mind) HAha..

Alot of things have been on my mind lately.. It's really hard to concentrate.. I know i have no right to judge you, thats why i decide not to push it. But at the same time, its making my brain confused. Im a patient person, i hope you appreciate that..
Have been listening to lotsa Doll Trash's music lately.. Somehow, i feel nostalgic about the days and how much fun the band used to have together. I guess the best pieces of music we ever wrote was "Far from here" and "Self Affinity", despite the fact that we werent very strong musically then. But nevertheless, thank you guys for giving me the opportunity to improve on my instrument; i have seen how much we've changed throughout the two years.. I do not think id ever be drumming still if Doll Trash ceased to exist. I love everyone of you guys - Inez, Cindy, Din, Chuck, Dan, Sam and last but not least, Trav.. I take all the memories, whether good or bad with me because they helped me to grow and they made me who i am now. I do not regret any decisions i made during that period, neither do i regret ever working with you doll trashers. :) I love you guys so much, it kinda hurts thinking about it coz i really miss you guys..

"Self affiinity" really speaks to me now i guess. Inez wrote the lyrics based on a true life experience. The lyrics to the chorus goes like this:


"We're going round in circles,
I'm sick of all these games.
Trying hard to please you but
I'm failing anyway.

Now it's come to this to know
When it's just time to quit.
Coz all i ever did was give in to you."

I never really thought her song made sense until now. Everybody says being in a relationship means sacrificing and showing unconditional love. Sometimes, you try doing these things but at the same time, you wouldnt know whether what youre doing would go to waste right? Of course, you hope youd have a perfect relationship but how would you know if youre being played? For now, i really dont fucking care anymore. When i love someone, i just wanna love him whole heartedly. Whether or not i get played, it doesnt matter because i have done my part. I am over and done with my past and if i do get played, i guess id just move on to the better things in life. I wanna see things beautiful again and not something dark, ugly and all gory.. Right now, i like the honesty. I hate keeping secrets. Why do people have secrets? Well, it's coz they are ashamed of them and they dont wanna hurt the people they love. I dont have them anymore coz i have spilled them on the floor, and it's right there, written in my blood for you.. I have swallowed my pride, just so you know that i love you...

Spent the night at baby's, well i didnt plan to.. Watched 2 movies - Or rather, 2 and a half. American History X was good, though kinda long and not to mention, sad. I'm so glad im of mixed blood coz it shows of how multi-racial i am. Heh. I saw quite a few boobies and dicks, not that i havent seen any. It was kinda funny though.. Watched half of Moulin Rouge as well.. It was comical, and baby liked that movie alot. Nicole Kidman acted as what's her name? Satine or something.. Reminded me of literature class in MI and we were learning about satires and comedies and stuff.. Good times, good times..

Tml's monday.. Might be the worse monday of all the mondays put together.. I am thankful that i'm in the show but really, it has tested me. It is not easy working with people you hardly know and are hardly close to.. Sometimes there are things you just dont understand about each other..

Fuck this life.
(i just got reminded of something Trav used to say to me. He used to say that my bog entries were emo. Haha how true. :P)
First of all, Happy 21st birthday to me.. It doesnt feel as exciting as i thought it would be, but at least i get to celebrate it! :D

Met Abby fer awhile and i feel kinda guilty taking up his time. The whole time i was chatting away about myself, not really giving him a chance to talk about himself.. How the fuck can i be so selfish?! Grr.. All i want right now, is to make him happy.. I dont know if im capable, but at least im trying. :)

On the other hand, its harder to make someone else happy. Yes, we are still friends but the past is still an open wound to his flesh, not wanting to heal. Sometimes i think it's wrong of us to still be as close coz it doesnt give him time to get over things. Occasionally, he'd flare up and call me a liar and whatnots. Well, what can i do about it? Yes, its my fault i caused you to be who you are now and i am truly sorry. But i cannot love you anymore because ive moved on with my life, and you should too. You say it's easy for me, coz ive got someone to love. Yes, im glad he found me and im glad i have him.. Wouldnt it be easier if you just let it go, and accept me as a friend? Im sorry but i really dont know how im gonna explain it to you. I dont think i am worthy of giving you any advice from now..

Happy birthday Eva. I hope you grow up. I hope you have learnt from all your mistakes and i hope you dont screw up again.. I pray that you become a better person; be more spontaneous and not hide in your shell. Stop watching anymore cartoons coz its making you think like a little kid all over again. Last of all, start practicing real hard on your drums, since its the only form of exercise you get (Ooo look at those arms!) and only then will you be able to bash any fucker's head who gets in your way. And please fucking take care of your face. Buy more pimple cream and stop using Oxy! Grr..

And to Leon, the stupid bimbotic assfucker.. Fuck off and get outta my life coz i cant stand someone whos as bimbotic as you are! Im sure life will be so much better for your guitar not having you around! Ewl..

Gdnites!

(Sorry if this entry is filled with such angst.. Dont worry, im not like this in person.. Heh. :P)
Preparations for the bbq's going rather smoothly. Trying to invite quite a number of friends over, but i expect only a few to turn up. Well, there's nothing emo abt it. I am fortunate to have my family planning this birthday with me and i am happy coz i get to spend it with them. :) But i guess i am a little sad that i wont be able to see some of my old friends..

Cheryl:
I havent spoken to you since 2 years ago. I kinda regret not spending lotsa time with you when you were in singapore. Now you're doing so well in australia, im missing you so much! You were the one who got me so hyped up as i am now.. I used to be so timid and shy, but you made me open up. We shared so much, from boys to family issues. You were always the blur and gullible one, always believing everything you hear. But well, it was funny and we had good times, good times. We used to go swimming at your condo with Chew yan and Yiling, and you used to teach as well.. Your brother, omg! Another hyperactive fella and hes like so grown up now! I hope youd come back soon coz i wanna give you a gigantic hug!!

Chew Yan:
Hey bestie! We've been friends for 8 years and counting now. Amazing huh? I guess if it wasnt for you and Cheryl, i'd be a stupid introvert now with no freaking life. Thank you for keeping up with me even after our O Levels. You have been a great role model and a great friend. We used to have lotsa window shopping in town and im really sorry i cant do that anymore.. Somehow my stamina aint that great anymore. Haha! Im glad we still hang out though, and im glad i still get to see you around! :D

Wow.. I cant wait for monday balls! I did something i didnt expect myself to do. I told my mum id be introducing her to someone special on monday. She was like "your boyfriend ar"? Haha.. So i told her about Abby, and she asked quite alot of questions.. I think my mum is okay with me dating muslim guys.. My dad on the other hand, doesnt really approve of it. I dont really understand, but neither will i be bothered about it. I really dont care what my father thinks of who i date - Ok wait, maybe it does play a part, but its my life, and its my decision. My dad hasnt been talking to me since i stopped going to church. Honestly, i think it shouldnt be that way. I thought a father's love was unconditional and it doesnt matter what i do, but he'd still love me and treat me as how he shud be treating me. I love Abby, i hope my dad accepts that.

Had training today at Mediacorp. Assumed it was at 11am and conveyed the wrong message to our fans. I felt so guilty coz they had to wait almost 3 hrs for us! Sigh, im so sorry Lijuan and Cheng Guang for making you guys wait! Seriously, i owe you guys.. Anyways, Cheng guang gave me a lighter that looks like this camera, attached to a chain. What bad timing, but it was sincere! I love you Cheng Guang! Thanks fer the birthday gift! Appreciate it! :D

I am happy now, and i am so missing Abby..
I am so bored right now.. Chatted to Abby fer abit online after i came home; didnt even shower. I kinda envy him, coz he gets to see all the stars and stuff.. He said he saw The Pussy Cat Dolls lead vocalist and fucking shit i felt a pang of jealousy there. :P Anyways, since im so bored, i filled up this stupid boring old questionaire about myself so you guys get to know me better. Ta da!

The Basics

Hair Color:
Currently reddish black with pink strips
 
Eye Color:
Black
 
Height:
150m (i hope)
 
Profession:
Musician
 
Relationship Status:
In A Relationship Abdullah Bin Omar Salleh
 
Religious Views:
Moderate

 
My Favorites

Favorite Color:
Black and Pink
 
Favorite Car:
Mazda RX8
 
Favorite Movie:
The Notebook, A Walk To Remember
 
Favorite Hobby:
Drumming, writing, chilling out at starbucks
 
Favorite Song/Singer:
Returning empty handed/Underoath
 
Favorite Book/Author:
Ben Elton, Wendy Holden, The Shoppaholic series
 
Favorite School Subject:
Literature
 
Favorite Food:
Lagsana
 
Favorite Restaurant:
NYDC/Pasta Fresca La Salvatore
 
Favorite Animal:
Red Ear Terapins
 
Favorite Store:
Roxy
 
Favorite Celebrity :
Marykate Olsen
 
Favorite Childhood Friend:
My cousin.
 
Favorite Childhood Memory:
Loved collecting gigantic ants in primary school, and i also loved drowning them in one of the canteen vendor's basin. :P
 
Favorite Baby Name:
Guy - Zachary
Gal - Chantalle
 
Favorite Person In Your Life:
None? HAha!
 
Favorite Facebook Application :
The application that allows me to poke ppl! Lawls!!

 
This or That

Chocolate or Vanilla:
Chocolate
 
Big Mac or Whopper:
None. I prefer cheeseburgers coz they dont have veggies in em. :P
 
Coke or Pepsi :
Pepsi Twist!
 
Beer or Wine:
Beer
 
Coffee or Tea:
Teh Ping!
 
Apple Juice or O.J.:
OJ
 
Facebook or MySpace:
Myspace
 
Summer or Winter:
Summer coz i wanna tan all day!
 
Windows or Mac:
Mac!! Love my black macbook baby!
 
Cats or Dogs:
I like both.
 
Boxers or Briefs:
Boxers!
 
Rain or Shine :
Shine! Love the sun!
 
Chips or Popcorn:
Chips.
 
Salty or Sweet:
Sweet popcorn!
 
Plane or Boat:
Plane coz i love looking at the clouds and i love flying thru them! OOO cotton candy!! :P
 
Morning or Night:
Hmm. Night, though i usually start stoning after 10pm.
 
Movie or Play:
???
 
Walk or Drive:
Drive, but i dont have a license.
 
Money or Love:
Love, coz money cant buy love.
 
Breakfast or Dinner:
Dinner.
 
Forgiveness or Revenge:
Forgiveness.
 
Paint or Wallpaper:
Paint. I want my own designs.
 
House or Apartment:
House

 
Do You?

Have Any Pets:
Used to. Fishies and terapins.
 
Have Any Children:
I wanna have a pair of twinnies when i get married!
 
Smoke:
Managed to quit just recently.
 
Drink:
Occasionally.
 
Exercise:
My bf does, so maybe i shud too!
 
Spend Your Life On Facebook:
No. Duh!
 
Play On A Sports Team:
Used to.
 
Belong To Any Organizations:
Nopes.
 
Love Your Job:
Im neutral abt it.
 
Like To Cook:
I dont mind learning.
 
Play An Instrument:
My voice, drums, trumpet, clarinet, cornet, a bit of guitar, and my ass.
 
Sing:
Yep, lots!
 
Dance:
Used to love dancing when i was a kid.
 
Speak Multiple Languages:
English and chinese. Need to learn malay now.
 
Ice Skate:
I love ice skating! :D
 
Swim:
Havent swam for a few yrs..
 
Paint:
Havent painted in 5 yrs..
 
Write:
YES! :D
 
Ski:
Dont have the chance to. :(
 
Juggle:
Hmm.

 
Have You Ever

Stolen Anything:
When i was in primary skool, maybe.
 
Been Drunk Before Noon:
Nope.
 
Had Sex In A Public Place:
Haha! Yes. It was kinda nice actually.
 
Got Caught Telling A Lie:
Lots. Im a really bad liar.
 
Got A Speeding Ticket:
I dont drive.
 
Been Arrested:
Nope!
 
Littered:
Haha.. Yeah, though i hate the idea of littering.
 
Fantasized About A Co-Worker:
Hmm. Dont really remember anything like that.. HAha!
 
Cheated On A Test:
Yes! During chinese period!
 
Cheated In A Relationship:
Yes, quite a few times and i hated it! Am growing up now.
 
Failed A Class:
I failed chinese and math. HAha..
 
Screened Your Phone Calls:
Wads tt?
 
Eaten Food Off The Floor:
I dropped m&ms on the floor once but i ate them anyways. :)
 
Stuck Gum Under A Desk:
Nope. It isnt nice.
 
Wished You Were Someone Else:
Yeah. I wish i was Travis Barker.
 
Cried During A Movie:
Lotsa times! I love sappy movies.
 
Had A One Night Stand:
Nope. I dont fuck around.
 

Other

Describe Yourself In One Word:
Hyperactive
 
Biggest Fear:
Losing my arms and legs.
 
Biggest Mistake:
Lots. One of which is losing my virginity to an asshole.
 
Your Proudest Accomplishment:
Being a female drummer, and have been playing since i was 12.
 
#1 Priority In Your Life:
Music.
 
Dream Job:
Being paid to write songs.
 
Causes You Believe In:
I believe all of us make our own decisions and we learn from them on our own.
 
Special Talents:
I snore in my sleep.
 
Where Are You Right Now:
In my room.
 
Where Would You Rather Be:
In Malaysia with abby baby.
 
Famous Person You Want To Meet:
Emily Strange. Just that, she's fiction.
 
Place To Visit Before You Die:
The Eiffel Tower
 
Song Played At Your Funeral:
Mmbop by Hanson.
HaHa.
Took some quizzes.. Dont know if they really make sense but here goes! :D

What's Your Best Quality? Your Result: Out-Going   Your best quality is out-going! People like you because you are fun to be around and no one ever knows what you will do next. Also you are not afraid to say or do whatever you want.
Personality
Loving
Ambitious
Sense of Humor
Intelligence
What's Your Best Quality? Take More Quizzes

What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Musician   Doo doo de doo waaaa doo de doo! (<-- That's you playing something.) Everyone appreciates the band/orchestra geeks and the pretty voices. Whether you sing in the choir, participate in a school/local band, or sit at home writing music, you contribute a joy to society that everyone can agree on. Yay! Welcome to actually doing something for poor, pathetic human souls. (Just kidding.)
Literature Nerd
Drama Nerd
Social Nerd
Artistic Nerd
Science/Math Nerd
Anime Nerd
Gamer/Computer Nerd
What Be Your Nerd Type? Quizzes for MySpace

Are you a girlie girl or a butch bruiser. Your Result: Could go either way, what mood takes you. Slap bang in the middle: Sometimes you prefer the womanly look but not afaid to wear baggy jeans and an old t-shirt with your fav footie team on it! Celeb-a-like: Pink or Debbie Harry
Feminine but not as vain as Barbie!
Tomboy all the way!
Princess Bloody Barbie!
Ms. Butch for Sure!
Are you a girlie girl or a butch bruiser. Make Your Own Quiz

Whats your Goth name? Your Result: Dawn Everyone knows who u r and doesnt wanna mess with u. U have alot of friends but only really talk to a few of them. U wear black and ur hair is many colors. U like rock and metal. U have ur own way of looking at things and wear things the way u wanna wear them and u dont care wat ppl think
Tibby
Jason
Slayer
Anjelica
Raylyn
Whats your Goth name?

What stereotype do you belong to? Your Result: No stereotype not preppy yet not a complete loser. has good friends and doesn't revolve life around their looks or social status. All around good person. usually liked by everyone
Punk
Jock
Emo
Preppy
geek/nerd
Loner
Gamer
What stereotype do you belong to?

Super bored as hell.. Maybe ill fill out a questionaire tonight.. :P
zzzz..

Went to watch Baybeats last night after work with Abby and his friends. Wanted to catch Peepshow, not because they're a good band but i just wanted to laugh at them, and Vertical Rush to show my support for Nicky Chim Chim! When i met Nick, it was like nostalgia coming back to me all over again.. Flashbacks of school, jammings, smoking before and after classes, tau hui, and the rides home together.. They all just flooded my mind for a minute. School was fun - not the classes, but the people.. Nick was an inspiration coz he's so bloody hardworking and he was always prepared.. I miss school!!

Anyways, while waiting for the bands to start playing their music, Abby, his friends and i hanged about at Harry's. Well I'm glad Abby doesn't drink. I guess it was nice meeting his friends. I mean, i'm open to meeting new people and stuff.. It's technically the first time i've actually really hung out with them. Of course, i wasn't really prepared coz Abby didn't mention anything to me and i thought it was just gonna be the two of us initially.. I'm still adapting and getting used to being around them. I'm not the kind of person who's all hyper and chitty chatty to new people. I mean if i were to be like that, i think i'd be so friggin two faced.. I'm not saying i don't like hanging with them. It was fun, but i guess i needa hang with them a bit more to feel more comfortable around them.

I wanna feel loved all the time. You tell me that to be a good girlfriend, is to make you happy.. I'm really trying to do just that.. I don't bug you much and i give you lotsa lotsa space. I don't complain about who you meet, and i don't even expect you to tell me what you're doing, what you're gonna do, who you're meeting and who you're gonna meet. I understand that it's how you are and it's what you need. You need space coz your mind's all stressed up with schoolwork and etcetera and etcetera. But what about making me happy? Thank you for finding the time to spend with me. I appreciate that, since i don't really have much to do in my life. Thank you for giving me the little kisses and the little hugs, the little phone calls and the little smses and it really brightens up my day a whole lot..

All i want is to feel loved by you.. Just that.. Only that..

I'm sick. But i'm bored as hell here at home, so i'm gonna meet up with a friend i havent met for a long time, who so happens to be in bukit batok.. Ciaos.